Okay...after years, decades perhaps, of avoiding people I used to know, I'm finally reconnecting. Is this a good thing? Is this dangerous? Will it dredge up old hurts? Seriously, how do people do this every day? Do I want people to remember me the way I was or get to know who I am now? Of course, when they knew me I was a naive teenager. I thought everything was life or death back then. It's kind of embarrassing to remember some of those times. Some things I don't mind remembering. Some things I supposed I've blocked out and will never remember again...and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Suffice it to say that I've spent 2 decades trying to forget some pretty painful memories and bam!!! Talk to one or two people and it all comes flooding back. I didn't sleep at all the first night with all that crap swimming through my head. It was like reliving it all over again.
Thankfully, I've learned to squash that crap much more quickly than I did when I was younger. I can no longer allow myself to stray into that deep dark abyss that I lived in for so long. I wouldn't survive it this time around.
5 months ago