Friday, December 5, 2008


I don't know if it's the holidays, the fact that I'm so busy that I can't find 5 minutes to just sit quietly and relax, or if it's something a mid life crisis. I can't seem to pull myself out of the funk that I've wandered into lately. I love this time of year. I love having things to do. I even don't mind going to work. But I'm finding that I'm spending less time with my kids and it's making me crazy. I'm finding that there really aren't that many things to do at work. In this economy, you don't want to look around and realize that there isn't enough work for you because when the lay offs and cut backs start, you will be the first person they look at. I try to make myself look busy. But, yes, it is discouraging. I want to feel like what I do makes a difference. Should I stay in the position and just learn everything I can and hopefully move up in a few years if I haven't been laid off? Should I get trained to do something else and move on from here? I want people here to have the confidence in me to come to me with questions. I want to feel more confident myself. The fact is....I have little confidence. How does one go about becoming more confident? There are people in this world that always seem to be so completely confident in themselves that everyone feels comfortable that what they say is law. How does that happen? At what point in their lives did they just know that they were going to forge paths or have such a complete understanding of themselves and others that they no longer feared falling? Try as I may, I still fear making huge mistakes. I know that making mistakes is part of life. But it's the huge mistakes...the ones that get companies sued or ruin people's lives...that make me pause every time I try to answer someone's questions. At what point will I be confident enough in myself to believe that what I tell people is correct?

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