Sunday, May 2, 2010

You don't know Jack

You may think you know a person, but you have no idea what really goes on behind closed doors or in their minds. You may think you know a person's situation, but you have no clue. So, think about that before you judge. In fact, how about don't judge at all...because YOU probably have things going on that others don't understand.

Now, I say all of this because my husband, children, and I are moving in with my mother. Since my father died my mother has had her own issues dealing with grief. She's asked us both individually and together several times over the past several months. Hubby and I have discussed it ad nauseum and decided that despite having some reservations (as most people would) that it is the right thing to do at this time for our family. At almost 40 years old with a family of my own, I know how people will judge us for this move. I know how people will look upon if we are mooching off of my mother. People will think that we are financially unable to take care of our family. I know exactly what people will think and what they will say behind our backs. Because, I'd be thinking the same thing.

Problem is....people don't know our situation. Hubby and I make nearly 6 figures a year and have no trouble paying our bills. And, we both agree that we will take over paying all utility bills while living with my mother. Next, people don't realize how much time I have been having to spend at my mother's house for this reason or that, clearing, purging, moving furniture, carrying things to goodwill, and so on. It's been difficult to take care of things with my mother and still take care of my responsibilities with my children and husband at our house. My husband doesn't work a 9 to 5 job meaning that most of the responsibility for our children and our house fall on my shoulders. My mother can't take care of that big house by herself and she is not ready to sell it yet.

So....we move in with her over the next 2 weeks and put our house up for sale. We bank the money (if any) we get from the sale of the house. We'll continue to save while we live there. Then when we're all ready, we plan on purchasing a home large enough for all of us. She may then move in with us. Or, perhaps she'll sell her house and buy something small for her. But, we'll be prepared in the event that she needs to live with us.

I made the decision to step up and start taking care of my parents about a week or two before my father died. I had been bringing them dinner every day and running errands for them, etc. After my dad died, I spent so much time with my mother, I realized just how difficult it is for my mother to get around. She is in excrutiating pain just standing. She has a hard time going up and down stairs. Standing for long periods of time to cook is out of the question. Standing to wash a sink full of dishes is out of the question. Carrying laundry up and down the stairs is increasingly difficult for her. So....

we move in.

So, don't judge people. You don't know why they make the decisions they do.