Wednesday, February 18, 2009

If you ask me....

I think the work week should start with a strong cup of coffee and chickory and the Chipmunks version of Funkytown.

I think the work week should end with a bottle of rum and the Chipmunks version of That's How We Roll.

Anyone that uses the words Hump Day and is NOT referring to humping anything should be thrown from the roof.

If you can locate the car that the glass shattering bass is coming from, you are perfectly justified in pulling him (cause let's face it how many females do this?) through his car window and stomping him into a pile of bloody goo in the road...and then attaching battery cables to that bloody pile of goo for good measure.

The people I work with should address me in one of the following ways: "Master," "Mistress of the Dark," or perhaps just approach me on your knees and we'll just see how it goes.

If you call me "The Shankonater" don't be surprised if you actually do get shanked at some point.

Every day should have a theme....pirate day, vampire day, fetish of the day, naked day...etc.

Peanut M&M's should be included in every medically prescribed diet.

All 18 year olds should be required to spend 2-4 years in the military...not MY kids, of course...they'll be Canadian citizens before they hit their 18th birthday...I am no Spartan mother.

A work day that begins with the words "What's the statute of limitations on auto theft?" will be a pretty interesting day at work.

If you are watching a movie titled Texas Chainsaw Massacre and you and your spouse get up to leave stating this is too violent...the rest of the audience should be allowed to bring the movie violence down upon you....what part of that movie title suggested that it would be a warm and fuzzy romantic asshat!

If you run past my desk at top speed for the 15th time today, I have the right to clothesline you and step on your throat until you pass out.

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