Saaaaboooottttaaaagggggeeeee!!!!!!!

All my life I would find something that I enjoy doing and I was good at doing and grab it with both hands. I would be gung ho and the activity would occupy my every thought. Then, uncertainty would set it. What will happen if I excel at this? What happens if I'm able to turn this into a career? What happens if people think I'm great at this? What if...? What if...? What if...?

I've heard for years people say that they sabotaged themselves because they were afraid of success. I always believed that was complete and total bullshit...until now.

I have been examining myself and my life. I have been shy all my life. I've managed to push past that shyness, mostly. But, I could physically feel that there was still...something...keeping me from doing things I want to or need to do. Something kept me from letting go and moving forward. Now that I know that fear of the unknown is one thing. But fear of actually being successful is ridiculously limiting. Deny yourself the opportunities laid out before you simply because what if you get everything you ever wanted?

My other issue, which I'll discuss more in another post is that I am a manic depressive. That means that I have to work really fucking hard to stay focussed and positive with enough energy to get something done.

Now that I've identified the blocks, it's time to knock them down and do the things that I've always wanted to do.

I'll keep you posted.